


Happy Old Year

by The Hag (hagsrus)



Category: The Professionals
Genre: Cats, M/M, New Year's Eve, Older Lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3081761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hagsrus/pseuds/The%20Hag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Discovered on a Silent Night<br/>December 2014</p>
<p>Companion story to Crackers and Merrythought</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Old Year

Bodie moaned his bliss against the pillow. "Again... Oh, do that again..."

"You'd rather have a backrub than sex, wouldn't you," Doyle teased.

"Well... oh, just there, just there... Not so much _rather_ , but at our age it's more -- frequently achievable."

"Achievable yourself, mate. I'm ready to go any m-- er -- "

"Month? Ow!"

"Yeah, well." Doyle's strong fingers resumed their expert kneading. "We don't do too badly."

"Mmmm... so good..."

_Ukk-ukkk ..._

"Oh damn," Doyle groaned, ceasing his ministrations. "It's Pollux." 

"How do you know?" Bodie wriggled in protest and turned his head to glower at the disruption.

"He goes sort of 'urgh-ukk-ukk-ukk'. Castor's more like 'hic-hic-wow-wow-wow-URRRP'."

"What it is to have a musical ear. All just one revolting racket as far as I'm concerned."

Doyle said hopefully, "You'd better go and - "

"Not me." Bodie settled himself more firmly in his prone position, resting his head comfortably on his arms. "Backrub interruptus - lucky if I don't defenestrate him. Anyway, I sorted him out on Monday, remember, when he tried to eat that lump of fossilised Christmas pud that got kicked under the cooker and you were pretending to be asleep."

_Ukk-ukkk ..._

Blessed silence.

Two suspended breaths were released.

"Finished?" Bodie asked hopefully. "Forever? Final choke?"

"Perhaps he's all right," Doyle said without optimism, head tilted to detect further sounds. "I suppose I -- "

_Urghhhh... UKKK!!!_

Doyle heaved his best martyred sigh.

"All right," he said belligerently a few minutes later. "Why did you give him a purple octopus?"

"A -- what?"

"He'd got a purple knitted octopus. Most of one." Doyle collapsed onto the bed. "You know what he's like with wool."

"Don't I just," Bodie agreed bitterly. "My new blue pullover! Hardly out of the jolly holly wrapping paper before he had it under the sofa and slobbered into holes and -- "

"This octopus..."

"Not guilty, m'lud. One of the princess's dear little menaces must have left it tucked away. Bloody Yasmina. _Oh, please, Mr Bodie, I really need the loo. You live quite near here, don't you?_ Well, didn't want her losing control in the back seat."

"Just being nosy if you ask me. Too bad it wasn't the day for those kidnappers to finally show up. Little sods finished all the fresh-squeezed orange juice, too."

Bodie chuckled. "Surprised you didn't offer them a dram of Glenlivet."

"Well... _Oh, do you live here too, Mr Doyle?_ I had to distract them before they went barging into the bedroom. Dunno what Princess Mum has told them about the wicked world. Don't want to lose our best account if she might take offense over their shattered innocence."

"Hah! You should have heard Tariq and his little pal sniggering over something they were downloading the other day."

"Didn't you stop them?"

"You serious? We're paid to guard their bodies, not their horrible little minds. You need to take more turns in the car with them and you'd see how innocent they are."

"Yeah, not much they don't know. Yasmina had to show me how to work that traffic thing on the iphone last time. Still, I don't want them snooping around our private lives."

"No argument there." Bodie stretched and luxuriously relaxed. "And you didn't have to give them _all_ my chocolate biscuits."

"One each I handed out. You should have stood guard instead of sloping off to get petrol -- dear little Yasmina whipped the packet back out of the cupboard when I was mopping up after Tariq spilled his orange juice all over Castor."

"Now I think of it," Bodie said, "she did have something purple hanging out of her coat pocket. Thought it was gloves or a scarf. Must have dropped it and the hellcats hid it away for future indigestion."

"Have to excavate their stash one of these days. Break out the hazmat gear."

"They've probably got that under the sofa as well. Should we give it back to her?"

"Tempted. Take it along tonight," said Doyle vengefully. "Holes and pulled-out stuffing and Pollux's own special additions and all. At least he didn't pee on it."

"Luckier than my pullover, then. Oi, I'm still owed half a backrub."

"All in good time. Hours before we have to go and mingle. Think we could get away with sending Hoskins and Randall instead?"

Bodie considered. "Nah," he said regretfully. "Likes us top blokes at the big parties to supervise the resident security. Anyway, she usually slips me the year-end bonus when she gets her New Year kiss. Don't want all that lovely cash ending up in the wrong hands. And don't start on about we should declare it for taxes again."

"And you wouldn't want to miss the buffet, right? Never mind, still got the afternoon free for once."

"Free except for running round after the bloody barfing cats." 

"Could have had a dog if you weren't so prejudiced. Or a rabbit."

"Could have been just us if you weren't such a sucker for the brute creation. Nice and peaceful, not to mention cheaper. Where are you off to now?" Bodie sat up.

"Kettle must be boiling. Tea or coffee?"

"Whatever. As long as I don't have make it this time." 

"Here, stick this over the pillow before you lean back." Doyle threw him the small towel they kept handy.

"What were you using? Doesn't smell like that herb oil you usually stink the place up with." He looked over at the bedside table. "That new lube?"

"Thought it might save time later." Doyle grinned. "Didn't get to the lower half of the backrub yet."

"My lucky month, then." 

"Me, I'll be hoping for a happy new year." Doyle headed for the kitchen.

"Still time for a happy old year today," Bodie called after him. "And try for the new year tomorrow."

He smiled at the sound of the dirty cackle that floated back. Backrubs were all very well....


End file.
